Home or The Home? Handling Tough Choices for Aging Parents

By Twickenham Advisors on March 6, 2020

Making decisions for aging parents or helping them make the decisions for themselves is not an easy task – and can often be confusing when family dynamics and emotions are at play. When deciding on retirement living situations, there are generally two options: in-home care or a senior living community.

Here are some things to consider when addressing this topic of care for your aging parents.

Have an open discussion

First, you should have an open discussion about your parent’s health. If they are healthy and totally self-sufficient, the question may be as simple as “Would you like some extra help around the house?” or “Would you prefer to not have to take care of a whole home anymore?” If either is the case, exploring a senior living community could be beneficial.

There are some communities that have different levels of care – continuing care retirement communities or CCRCs – so your parents could start off in an independent living condo and can gradually work up to assisted living if their health status changes.

On the flip side, if they are struggling with their health, or even if one of them is, decide if there is a desire to get help first. Not necessarily diving right into moving or hiring in-home caregivers but opening it up for conversation.

Find out what your parents want

Once a conversation is started and you know where your parents stand on their health, let them tell you what it is they want. Giving up the control over living in their own home by themselves can be scary and difficult to upset. Discuss their desires to stay in their current home or move to an apartment or condo in a retirement community.

As mentioned, when moving into a retirement community, there are so many options, including starting out in independent living and moving all the way to hospice, if necessary.

Senior living communities have come a long way even in the past decade. They provide more than just the necessary care when aging, they provide socialization and a continued sense of purpose whether that be helping out around the community or having the space of a condo that is truly their own.

The in-home care side of the spectrum is different but may be a viable option for your parents if they are adamant about staying at home.

Similar to senior housing communities, in-home care providers can start out playing a small role, maybe coming over twice per week to help with laundry, running errands and additional social interactions, and then moving up to around-the-clock nursing care later in life.

Don’t forget to talk money

After you and your parents have gotten on the same page, it’s time for an equally as tough conversation: money. Can they afford what they hope for in retirement? For many families, cost will play a large role in their decision. Luckily, there are large ranges for both in-home care and senior living communities.

Generally speaking, senior living on an independent level can run anywhere from $1,000 to $4,000 per month. Assisted living averages around $3,750 per month. A nursing home or skilled nursing facility averages $6,800 per month.

Memory care, which is usually an add-on in communities, can cost an additional $1,200 to $1,500 on top of other costs.

Then there is the option of a CCRC. CCRCs are structured differently and in most cases constitute an upfront fee as well as a monthly fee. Before anyone moves in there is a substantial upfront fee. This fee varies of course but expect to see somewhere between $100,000 and $1 million. The CCRC model is basically buying in for life and securing your care from your first day in the community to your last.

On the flip side, in-home care varies a lot too. If an in-home care provider is scheduled 10-12 hours per week at a national average rate of $21 an hour, the total cost comes to $800 to $1,000 per month.

Of course, this amount can shoot up drastically if your parents need care for the majority of the week.

Though these decisions are never easy and should not be taken lightly, opening a conversation with your parents is a great place to start. But finances will inevitably be a large part of the discussion. Just know you don’t have to go at it alone. Reach out to one of our financial advisors to discuss how we can help guide you through this process.

*all figures from Genworth Cost of Care study*